Drag Race and Review: Mercedes-Benz E63 AMG vs. Audi RS 6

What we have here is a failure to communicate undesirability, and here’s why.

Back in the old days, wagons existed for hauling stinky, obnoxious kids home from the baseball game. Back in the day, wagons weren’t cool. They were rolling environments of unpleasantness; the automotive symbol of being unhappily married with 2.2 devilish children.

The wagon’s unfashionable reputation eventually caught up with it, and while the “two box” never died completely, it was left in a coma, giving way to something even less cool: the minivan.

Minivans are now giving way to crossovers. You can bet in 15 years–likely sooner–crossover sales will yield to the next practical automotive trend.

But right around the time minivans lost steam with families, wagons became the coolest thing to enthusiasts … Especially automotive writers. For people with the highest blood-oil levels, wagons represent the quintessence of having one’s cake and eating it, too. Enthusiasts like to enjoy the practicality of an SUV with the sportiness of a sedan, but the number-one reason car geeks are attracted to long-roofs is because of how they envision the modern wagon driver: an upwardly mobile, single 30-something who is very attractive to the opposite sex, and blasts to Aspen or the Alps every weekend to catch the freshest powder — someone who puts the priority on fun.

My, how time changes things. So here we are, two vehicle-trend generations/30 years after the wagon has been replaced as the family hauler of choice, and wagons are cool again. Does that mean 15 or so years from now, motorheads will be drooling over minivans? Probably not, but if that’s the case, what a fascinatingly frightening future Stephen King would be happy to novelize as time marches on.

And that’s why we have a failure to communicate the idea of undesirability. Time is the culprit. Wagons no longer communicate “slow”, “dull” and “practical”. Time has healed the wagon for they now communicate “sporty”, “active”, and “unique”. Furthermore, enthusiasts know wagons are the last thing a Camry owner would consider. It’s almost unfair how lucky we (the car addicts) are, in that our passions rest in a sporty and, shh don’t tell average consumers, practical, vehicle. Aren’t win-wins great? Long live the wagon.

Now that we have that out of the way, check out the Audi RS 6 and Mercedes-Benz E63 AMG in a drag race/review.