MBWorld.org Forums - C230K OUT OF COMMISSION HELP!

I really need everyone's help desperately as this is stopping me from getting to work and feeding my two beautiful precious daughters.

About a week ago, my car no longer started. Yeesh where do I start, straight to the point. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

My 2000 MERCEDEZ C230K, Cranks but does not start but 1 out of every 30ish try it will start for about 5 seconds and cut off. I've changed the fuel pump, fuel filter, spark plugs, spark wires, and spark coils.

I suspected my battery, as it is now always dead but keeps enough power to turn the interior lights on, but sadly not enough to crank the car now. I jumped my car out the hood by a ground*... As you know the battery is in the trunk. It keeps my car alive as I try to start it, something like life support, but sadly the car does not start.

Please help me, I have 3 more days left out of work until I have to go back, and I have ran short of reasons for my absence. I work 50 minutes away from home

UPDATE
Attempts at starting car by turning key*

Car cranks for 2 seconds, (All lights dim with a very fient flicker)

Car doesn't start.

Tries again 2-40 million times*

Car cranks and starts, Car sound's healthy but cuts off after 3-6 seconds.To me I thought it would be a failed MAF as it sounds so much like a perfect match... but then it got worse.

Before the kill, the car ran weird.... I would get a sputter hesitation when pressing down on the gas petal past a half.

Car would hummer/fient shake/purr if I drove it to long above 70mph causing my engine to go into some sort of safety lock limiting my speed by about 30-40mph. I would have to restart my car and instantly after it would drive normal like it reset.

Over time the car became hesitant to start from the 1st try, eventually to 2-4 trys, now 2-80 million.

UPDATE 2-17-19
Put a new battery in, car now starts perfectly fine and cuts off after apx. 3 seconds.