SO I'm screwing around inside Eva, and I start fiddling around with the Phone function, trying to figure out how to get it to work. Of course the screen reads "No Phone", so I've come to the conclusion that this was some expensive option on my model ('02) that the dealership could setup that is clearly no longer installed. My question is, would it be possible to wire up some system where I could make phone calls using the buttons on the wheel and the stock mic in the car, but from MY iPhone? And before you say it, YES, I tried searching and YES, I know a bluetooth system would be easier. I'm not trying to bluetooth my phone, I just wanna see if I could make this work.

Unfortunately, the only option is bluetooth. In order to not use bluetooth, you have to have a Mercedes phone. Most of the hardware was put in the car for the phone system, so it shouldn't be that hard to get bluetooth working. IIRC, all you need is the bluetooth puck. Sorry, I can't help more.