"I took a ride in my venerable old '83 Mercedes 240D last night. 2.4 liters of raw power, 4 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror with 67 rompin stompin horse power at my beck and call. It's stock, all right, nothing done to it, but it pushes the 3200 pounds of German engineering around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers by surprise...
I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly triple-latte cappuccino blast ("No Cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a streetlight. As the "D" rattled its throaty idle around me, I sipped my bold beverage and wiped the white froth my stiff upper lip. I was minding my own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane.
I turned, made eye contact, then let my eyes trace over the competition. Geo Metro -- a late model, could be trouble. Low profile tires, curb feelers, and schoolbus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod, for sure.
The howl of his motor snapped my reverie, and I looked back into the driver's eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle (Rattle Rattle!!). As I tugged on my driving gloves and slipped on my sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast, and I am *damn* cool, hence...), the night was split with the sound of seven screaming cylinders...
Then the light turned... I almost had him out of the hole, my four pounding cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as smoke pouring from exhaust pipe... I'd let it sit and idle too long! I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout gaining, and I heard the roar of his three cylinders. He slung by me, right front wheel juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as his gasoline powered 1.1 liters of motor stretched its legs. I turned off my AC to gain 10% more power and kept my foot gamely in it. Then I saw a glimpse of chrome under his bumper, and knew the ugly truth...
He was running a custom exhaust -- probably a 1.5-into-1 dual exhaust... maybe even cutouts! Damn his hotrod soul! The old lady passing us on the crosswalk cast a dirty look in our boy-racer direction... Yet still I persisted, with my four pumping pistons singing a steady, deep, diesel song, wound fully out. Though only a few handfuls of seconds had passed, we were nearing the crosswalk at the other side of the intersection, and I heard the note of his engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his grin in his rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift! I rocketed by! Not ready to give up so easily, he left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one wheel *almost* chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch. We careened over the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles per hour. A bicyclist passed us, but intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted an eye.
I was waiting for the first dot on the speedometer to tell me to shift (no tachometer here!). Shifting, I nursed the clutch gently to keep from bogging, keeping my motor spinning hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke, no that's diesel exhaust again...
He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck, I shifted into third at 38 MPH - a little early, but better safe than sorry. The scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five foot circle. He nosed ahead as we passed 42 miles an hour, then eased in front of me, taunting, as he shifted into fourth. I decided to keep my car in third, counting on the ability to pump out the power at higher speeds and lower gears. I was staring up the dual 6" chrome tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a little to take the next corner.
I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty steed, I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in carpet. Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my German Diesel roll slowly to the left as I came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt the front start to push a little, so I added more power only to realize that was all I had! But, I saw the right rear wheel lift on the Metro and realized he had reached his limit! Slowly I gained on him through the outside of the turn passing him with ease!!!
The Metro driver beat his wheel in rage as my car eased past him on the outside, my P175/R14's screaming in protest, as we raced to the next light. We coasted down, neck-and neck, to the red light. I tightened my driving gloves, ready for another round, when this WIMP in the next car meekly flipped his turn signal and made a right. MB superiority reigns!!!
I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, looking for other unwitting targets.... Perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a Volkswagen Van! ...Courtesy of Mark Shilling."

 

Damn nice run! I felt the tears welling up in my eyes as I thought of the rancid black exhaust pouring out of your "rear end" as you "sipped (your) bold beverage and wiped the white froth (your) stiff upper lip."

Other than biologics, you managed to select the only thing with four earth-contact points that you could beat. Mature, careful selection. I commend you.

The last time I wiped white froth from my upper lip, I was earning some "easy money" in Frisco. . .

 

Nay, it was na' me!

It was some bloke named Mark Shilling in his 4 on the floor 240D. I am not as fortunate to have such a car.

When will people learn? The fun of racing somebody is getting beat by them and having the cops chase the guy who was racing you while you lol passing them in you 40-50 RWHP car as they get written up for "misuse of power".

I think a 240D would have trouble keeping up with a nearly stock Craftsman DYT4000 with twin-plug ignition Briggs + Stratton. Could be real trouble, due to the difference in power-weight ratio.

The Craftsman will probably outrun it evantually with its factory set top speed for mowing.:p

 

Hahahaha! Nice write up!

 

I can't tell if my eyes are watering b/c of the suspense and drama/OR that my sides are splitting due to all the laughter.

Great Post!!!!!

 

240D, oh yes Wanna race DslBnz ?

 

Best/Funniest post on these boards!

 

Best Post On This Forum. Still laughing hahahaha.

 

Funniest. Post. Ever!

I hope you don't mind, I copied and e-mailed to a friend. Don't worry I gave you all the "credit".

 

nice one!!

 

Haha..... Odd enough, I always dream to have 240D or 300D..... they're very classic.... and no need to smog them in CA..... has been looking for one in mint condition....

I think it should be a good pair for my E55....

 

Thanks guys for the commentary.

I felt that needed to be posted.

I am now trying to search for 0-60 km/h acceleration videos with the 240D. Some of them are pretty quick and can get to 60 in under 15 secs!

 

Ahhhh... Watch the performance beast!

Click here!!!

This one actually seems to be pretty quick.

 

I got error : site not found. Please fix!! I've gotta see this.

 

Cool movie clip..... could've been faster if the driver turned off the A/C.

 

Huh? It should work, I tested it.

Zoink got it to work.

try going here: http://www.jaimekop.com/movies