None of the lights work


The lights are powered by, and operate thru, the SAMs (Signal Acquisition Modules). The front SAMs are the closed black plastic boxes at each rear corner of the engine compartment, and the rear SAM is under the right side of the rear seat.
One diagnostic clue is that the right headlamp is powered thru the left SAM, and the left headlamp is powered thru the right SAM. This ensures that if you lose one of the SAMs, you will still have lights on both sides of the front end.
But - if you lost power to both front SAMs, there would be a lot more things that wouldn't be working.
The best approach by far would be to put the car on a DAS (Diagnostic Assistance System), the very powerful, very complex dealer-level computer system. You might be able to find an independent shop that has a DAS unit, as they are really, really critical to be able to maintain and repair these cars. You can buy a Chinese clone of DAS for somewhere between $400 and $600, and you could sell it for almost that much after you got rid of the Mercedes...
Sorry that I couldn't be more helpful.






