All stories have a beginning, and here’s mine:

I started my day with a full schedule, but primarily administrative and menial odds and ends. Generally, I carry a lot of equipment to my onsite visits. Today being the former, I decided to take the car out, versus the heavy hauler. The weather was as dreary as you could imagine. Thick, dark, low-hanging clouds, the cold humidity of a fall rain… The kinda stuff you might call in sick for; I elected to skip the gym.

It was business as usual, roaring here and there with my supercharged v8 soundtrack to keep me company. Eventually I got hungry and stopped in for one of those “healthy” premium wraps from McD’s.

Anyway, between appointments I notice a ‘low battery’ message on the dashboard; something about "convenience features" being disabled until the system is fully charged. I take note, and within five or so miles, the message clears itself and all the gadgets start working again (whoopee!), which was until the message returned shortly thereafter.

Okay, not sure if it’s an alternator or just the battery, keep the revs up, limp it to the shop.

So I head straight for the dealership. After about an hour of testing, they come back to say that it’s just a battery, which they have in stock (whoopee!) for the low-low price of $279 (less whoopee…). They said they’d even install it for me, for a mere $155(!). Now I'm thinking “The battery is in the trunk… How hard could it be?”

I happily (sarcasm) parted with nearly $300 and the guys were nice enough to load the battery into the trunk for my own installation later. I start the car and began trekking home.

I should have just let them install it……

By this time, it’s rush hour and I’m trying to limp this beast along in stop-and-go traffic, which is unnerving by itself. I travel about eight miles from the dealership when I notice all sorts of fun things happening just below my line of sight. On the dashboard, I see warnings of my convenience features being disabled (of course), my brakes having reduced power (whoopee!) and surely the least of which, an engine temperature, nearing 240*F (f*ck).

Turns out, the electronics classify the radiator fan as a “convenience feature”.

I immediately spot an open lot at a nearby hospital (I can see my house at this point), kill the engine, pop the hood and figure on waiting till the thing cools down and then finish the drive. After about 45 minutes, the engine is cool and I go to start… …. … … … nothing.

OOOKAY… Fine, call a tow truck, get a jump start, be on my merry way. After another 30 or so minutes, the driver finally found me (after combing ALL the FULL lots… my directions were pretty clear, oh well) and we go under the hood to get the party started… only to discover this car has no jumper connections under-hood.

Okay fine, car… Be that way. I’ll just pop the trunk, and have at the battery itself. -FAIL…

You see, the trunk, is electronically latched, meaning, no “convenience features”, trunky no openy (and the rear seats don't fold down). Add to this insult, that the NEW battery is stuck IN the “convenience feature” called a trunk, with the DEAD one!

Stay calm… Figure this out… -Sh*t… it’s now a full-on downpour…

At this point, I’m not giving in… I hop in the truck with my new best friend, the tow driver, and with all the romance of a modern-day dinner date, we glue our noses to our cell phones. Eventually turning up a result that states we’d have to pull apart the passenger footwell, to locate wires that could be used to jump the car.

Reluctantly, I oblige. Three layers of carpet and foam, three nuts, a backing plate and three computer controllers later… we found the damn wires!
So the car is started, trunk popped, battery swapped, now smiling. All warning messages vanish and I’m the victor!

See, I only had to spend $48 (and nearly two hours) to have my battery changed in a wet, cold lot, during rush hour. Whereas at the warm, cozy dealership, they wanted $107 more! –What savings!!

Anyway… Take it from me… If your battery is down to its last few breaths… Just pay the f**kin’ dealer whatever it takes, because sometimes, cost is engineered into the most mundane of repairs.

-Oh! I forgot to mention… As I cleaned out the day’s items from the back seat, I lifted the bag which contained my wrap from earlier. Noticing it was heavier than it should be, I checked inside and found a free McChicken sandwich that was accidentally placed inside. Whoopee!!!

 

You could have called MB roadside assistance and had them deliver and install the battery for free, you would only have to pay for the battery itself.

 

And, (not to add insult to the injury)use the blade key to manually open the trunk even with no power.

 

Tried that. Wouldn't open for some reason. As far as MB roadside, I just assumed that since I'm out of warranty, it was about as useful as the way things went with the tow company, perhaps cheaper not using them.

For what it's worth... Seems the dealership gave me a battery which was under-charged, so the warnings came back. Took the car for a very spirited run on the highway to charge it up, and then the alternator started smoking (yay).

Chances are decent that the alternator was somewhat the culprit anyhow, so it looks like I'll be replacing that too.

Any ballpark ideas on what the dealership asks for a new unit and installation?

 

There may be a slight trick with using the key. I can't recall exactly what it was, but maybe it was that you had lift the handle while the key is turned instead of turning it then lifting the handle. Also I believe you have roadside assistance as long as you've had service at a MB dealership in the last 18 months. As for the alternator, make sure it's not the voltage regulator. Also for a battery, cheapest AGM battery I've seen is $109 for an AC/Delco on Amazon, it's $145 with a 25% off coupon with free shipping, but you probably couldn't wait for the 1-2 months shipping. I've noticed Home Depot sells a flooded battery for $119 and Pepboys has a Bosch for $150 after their 25% off code. Even Advance Auto is at $189, but you can use a $50 off coupon code which brings it down to $139. The auto parts stores usually install for free too.

 

Amazon sells our Bosch alternator for a good price. Also no need to turn in the core either.

 

Thought I'd provide an update...

Ended up finding a great Indy near me who replaced the alternator and regulator for $800 OTD.

The alternator is a re-man, but it's a Bosch, with a new regulator, so I'm happy there.

The old unit could hit 13 volts with some regular driving at about 40mph, but anything over 60mph, and the unit would essentially die, leaving the car to run direct from the battery (12.1 or so volts).

Now she sits with high 13's in the UB readout and I couldn't be happier.

 

i actually really enjoyed your writing style.

What I don't get is, if you were within sight of your house, why did you need the tow truck?

Why not walk home, get your tools, and swap the junk yourself?

 

 

Thanks!

As for walking it... The rain and cold kinda sucked... a lot, so I figured I'd just make it as easy as possible. Also, I didn't have a jump pack in my garage (now I do).

 

What indy did you use?

 

Agreed. It was written well.

 

Sent you a PM. -Nice AMG, btw.


Hey, thanks!